Text > Prose > Hello Children!
Welcome to the INTERNET!

Hello children! Put down your model trains and listen to me, THE CHEESY GOVERNMENT FUNDED ADVERTISING DINOSAUR!

Now, I'm here to tell you about the INTERNET! The INTERNET is a magical box which can give you lots of information for HOMEWORK! And only HOMEWORK! Here are some sites you can use for homework, which you will visit EVERY DAY or the government will PUNISH YOU!

Now, on the internet, you have to be safe from PDF FILES! So don't open any file that has .pdf at the end, or you will catch LEPROSY! Also, don't use any programs like MSN messenger or AIM, because they are infected with SARS and MUTATED TUBERCULOSIS!

Also, you can go on DISCUSSION GROUPS and ONLINE CHATS as long as your parents look over your shoulder at ALL TIMES to make sure those PDF FILES don't get you! Also, be sure to talk in really stupid abbreviations ALL THE TIME, as only DUMB PEOPLE on the internet speak in coherent sentences!

Also, parents may want to install SITE BLOCKING software, so if any website contains any word other then 'homework', it will be UNACCESSIBLE. Through our government's 'Ignorance Is Strength' software, we've managed to block all websites apart from two- The homepage for the Labour party and a small picture of a CATFISH.

So remember, be safe, all you 'dudes' who use the internet, and you'll be 'totally radical'! 'lol!'

Please contact me if there are any errors with the site.
If you really want to use something from my site, feel free. Just credit beatstelevision.com as the original author. That means you, ebaum.
Quiet, Greg.