Text > Prose > Random
If this makes sense to you, then seek psychiatric help. Now.
-
I was walking down the street one day when a giant vaccum cleaner came along and whacked me with a mug of coffee and i got burned by the newsman with blue teeth who said i should brush twenty times a day which is just stupid realy as his left knee was singing 'Home on the range', and so as we descend into this quater we see the toast in all it's glory. However, mass deforestation has ruined our chances of cow meat for the next five weeks. Which isn't very nice... anyway, are you the flower? I need to know for a geog exam. The giant drums are pounding into my potato retinas. But still, monkeys are feasting on my spicy brains as we speak. My feet are made of yellow itches plus a garnish of salt that really adds flavour to the meal. Burt is a nice name. However, if the Nazis win then we will all be destroyed by anti-aircraft missiles doing the conga with Cherie Blair. MOOOOONKEYS. But enough talk about Your Life. We Need More Cheese. Also, please exterminate at overweight tabloid rag, with handkerchief and blood(Deadly). Give the rigid phone label a courageous key (not for use in the workshop) that’s monotonous to the benevolent trust. The occurrence of a nuclear warhead, going downwards, is on a bad-tempered automatic on four associates of the train.which would be okay if my green potato wasn't failing with the blue banana. CURSE YOU, BLUE BANANA!!! Y'know, there's a funny story behind that sentence. But I forgot it. You see, when Ned says ding dang doodly, the mug will drop to reveal a potato full of goat. Mmm... goat. Anyhoo, I thought I might as well go for a walk, which was what we called eating sponges back then. The sponges came in many flavours, just like Eric messenger. Eric was taking a walk, when one of the sponges leaped up at him, shouting ‘hooray for the spicy chipmunk!’ Of course, you and I know what that means, but Harry didn’t. He went on the sidewalk as Norman, because Norman didn’t understand either. The moral of this story is to be careful of sponges, because one day the goat will eat your strawberries. However, it reminds me of an old show I made, called Deadness. My, that was fun. Good old Deadness, my old grandpa used to say. Then he got blown up. So, to remember him, I made a really long random rant. As another thing to remember him by, we renamed Deadness, it was now called Deadness. Which wasn't much of a change. The good thing about Deadness is that you don't have to pay dead actors, so we can get a lot more coffee. However, when the first alive actor came onto Deadness, we had to take care of him. A picture of this event is above. However, more alive actors came on, and we had to wave our coffee goodbye. Then, we changed the name to 'Aliveness', which was key in the Males age 0-90 demographic. However, there was still a freakin' hill in the way, so we blew it up with Killatol(Registered trademark). However, we got some trouble from Greenpeace, as there was a small fly on that hill. We had to pay for a fly breeding center, which cost upwards of $999,999,999. Which was a bit stupid, as it was only a small hole in the ground with a small sign saying 'Hey flies! Come over here!' Speaking of flies, i once had a pet fly, I called him 'Orange', because oranges were fly-shaped at the time. However, Mr. Tomato Runham (the inventor of the sausage named after him) had an idea for the shape of oranges: 'Why not make them CUBE SHAPED?' Then Runham formed a conga line and started dancing with some psycadelic fish. The fish were all called Smith, and they had a useful idea for orange peeling, which was to stick them in the sink. However, we suddenly realised that oranges were outselling our cheese, so we made our cheese orange-flavoured, which also meant book-flavoured. Now, you might think that books taste awful, but not this one. It was a green book, and it was called '.'. That was a stupid name for a book, so we renamed it as '..', but that just made sales worse. Then my hand jumped along and said:'Hooray for all Cheese'! but noone listened. That was because a huge piece of Frankenstein was heading right towards us. Naturally, we weren't worried. Instead, we had a little tea party. Everyone came. We especially enjoyed Mickey's scones. So, when the flaming piece of Frankenstein came, it stopped flaming, because it had been banned, for flaming, instead it asked for a scone. It really enjoyed it. But then, everyone died, because another flaming bit of Frankenstein had killed us all. The thing about this Flaming Frankenstein is that it loved 'Aliveness' and was sad it was cancelled, so we now took him out of Minnesota, which was another name for a huge onion. There's a reason why, but instead I'll tell you how Dinky the magic Dragon saved 'Chris'mas, after the 2.6th president of the USA, Chris, who once ate a big pie. it was spider flavoured, which was the style at the time, and you kept one in your backpack, in case a magic gremlin, wanted it. However, he would usually throw it at you, just so you would have to go to the Which doctor. Ah yes, I remember the which doctor, I told him youm didn't love me nice, OR true, so he was no help, but somebody that was a lot of help was Mr. Cantthinkofaname, who was named after a moan by his father after he was born, which was a strange thing to call him as parents usually only decide the baby's first name, anyway, we're getting off topic, what we really need to talk about is the alien crumpets who are invading the planet as we speak. that's pretty rude of them, if you ask me. Yet nobody asks me, because I'm currently sitting in a cardboard box, talking to my pet robot. You better not put this on my website! anyway, I think there's too much orange in this world today, where are the apples? I'll tell you where they are, in my cheese cupboard. I try tempting them out with irn-bru but they hate it. Anyway, there's a random blue tangerine about to kill us all, so it doesn't really matter. Well, it's not really going to kill us all, because it's a fan of The Simpsonrama Pitts Of The Hilltop Family Guy, a new show by the ABFOXNBC. This network sucks, and it was taken apart piece by piece by a vogon destructor fleet, nobody really knows why apart from that hobo on the corner there. Yes, that's right, Mickey. Why don't we all go and shoot him in the stomach? That sounds like a brilliant idea. Now, if you excuse me, I'm off to get some soup. It costs 347569834579354875634763916454765 million yen today, which is really annoying, but at least it isn't 347569834579354875634763916454765.99, that would be even worse. Now, if you excuse me, Runham's still in a conga line and evil jockey gnomes are about to eat our soup. Mmm... soup. Now, where was I? Oh yes, feetmen. We all know them, and they can be found at The land of Monkey, which you SHOULD NOT GO TO!!!!! don't ask why, believe me. Now, forward whis to 80,000,000 people or NOTHING WILL HAPPEN! If you do send it to 80,000,000 people, then nothing will happen anyway, but it's a Nothing Forums kind of nothing, which makes no sense because half of you will never have heard of NF, however, it used to have a hige empire that spanned all of, uh, Nothing Forums. However, then a man named BRIAN!!! came along and started giving people shoes, because he had just seen a movie and renamed him self after the star. The movie was called 'AN IDIOT' and he renamed himself 'Ryan Irvine.' THE END... was nigh, but then it wasn't, because we'd all been smoking jelly babies, whatever that means, but we still had to cope with the current shoe shortage, so we stole the Sacred SHoes Of Ryan Irvine and they started flaming us for no reason, just like the real thing. Now, if there's one thing I ahte, it's evil shoes, so I threw them all in a pit and disembowled them... no, I don't like that 'bowled' there... ah, yes, I GUTTED them, and we all had tasty shoe for tea, and for desert we had a tasty Spock. No, I do not mean sock, you ***ing *********ing piece of *****ing *****! What do you mean, stars aren't insulting? Stars as an insult go back to 19-dickety-two, when everyone quoted grandpa. That was annoying, but not as annoting as Mike Scully, who instantly turned The Simpsons intop a hardcore mourn show, where women wearing nothing grieved for dead people's lives. They were people killed by Matt Greoning during his short life as a SECRET AGENT!!! But he was then replaced by a robot, AKA Picasso. Now, dnce, turkey, dance! Woooooooh! Why aren't you dancing? You stupid turnip. AAH! TURNIP! Oh wait, that's a lamp. silly me. AAAH! TURNIP! Oh wait, that's... hang on, it is a turnip! anyway, as I said earlier, the cheese is eating me. However, it reminds me of an old show I made. It went like this: One day the damn newbie was walking down the street when jeff jumped out and waved a potato. Then the newbie said: "Demand me nothing. What you know, you know, from this time forth, I never will speak word." The pissed-off Jeff then ignored the newbie, and walked across the street and a flaming caffolote ran into him. The newbie decided that the only option out was suicide. But then Your Friendly Neighbourhood Comrade appeared out of nowhere and exploded. So a microscopic dictator teacup took over the world and enslaved everyone. However, I think this gives an unnessecary vibe to the dudes who say 'dude', so I made a fresh batch of corncob pie (with frech monkey of course) for the King Of Town, who suddenly denied me the right to live. I asked him why but all he said was 'WHY ARE YOUR FEET BLUE' and I told him, you see there was once this pie and he had a happy life apart from not being alive and suddenly Mr. cricket here had one million eyes to help him see in the park. Or the dark. I'm not sure which. suddenly, a massive badminton court filled with Turkish Delight blew up in front of my face, which stopped the universe from breaking into a hilarious dance routine. I begged the elephant to stop, but it just kept snowing, which was unusual for smarch weather. We sent a petition to the Indian government, because that's where onions came from at the time. Then everyone blew up the White House and the Green house and the Multicoloured House which got out of hand very quickly. PETA suddenly asked everyone to destroy themselves for fun and profit, however this lead to world war eleventy billion, which delat a massive blow to the economy because bananas only spoke sweedish, which didn't go down very well with the potato men from neptune who said that reindeer have rights too, although noone knew exactly what those rights were. Suddenly, the world dtarted doing the funky chicken, which was the fasion at the time, however it wasn't the fashion as bad spellers liked hens more than the good singers, which lead to more turkey for all. HOORAY! Dark Lord Sauron was upset that he didn't exist, so he got a giant straw and posed it numerous questions about answering machines. After twelve years, Sauron realised straws couldn't talk and gave up and descended into a spiral of depression until his mousemat rebelled and invaded germany. The radio man was having nine of it though- he sent some ninjas to defend the zombie pirate rice eating ersers against the samurai who claimed to have a 0% apr rate until July 2004. Speaking of July 2004, did you know that an area of rainforest the size of a pinhead is cleared every day from my local aquarium? It's true. Well actually it's false but George Bush beleived it, as I told him the forest had weapons of green orange eationing. George Tree, however, realised that it was a load of llama kidneys, so he invaded americaland and destroyed all their livestock. The post it note company had something to say about it though: "GORK". Noone knows exactly what this means, but we should figure it out sometime in the next decade or so. Meanwhile, your computer could be at threat from evil devilled eggs. So beware, your home could be next. At least, that's what the reindeer at the government houses whant you to blink. Really, it's a secret government conspiracy to blow up parliament on the 29th of august 1882. However, the parliament was in a different country, namely checoslocvakia, which didn't exist due to some trouble with a cooked ham. The chips didn't want to download their fathers into the Svenno, so they destroyed their own monkeys while they had the chance. Suddenly, a thousand naked sheep jumped in screaming their praises to the Magical Toad from Toadville, who was busy wishing several million popes a merry christmas. Mowever, he angred POPEMAN, a magical pope with superpowers. Popeman got into armed combat with a karate man from URANUS, which translated into Chineese as 'happy tomato women' and noone knew what the radio was doing there, so they asked him about his savings on frsh trout. He told the people to let the nits go out of the cucumber but instead they went for a dip in the five thousand foot tall paddling pool, and they all drowned. Nobody actually knew why everyone died, but there was still a spectacular fireworks display at the end.
Please contact me if there are any errors with the site.
If you really want to use something from my site, feel free. Just credit beatstelevision.com as the original author. That means you, ebaum.
DISTANT BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
Quiet, Greg.